Am I all Grown-up now...???



Days go by, nights cross silently, months turn into years and we grow up. Its been a quarter of my life, experienced infancy, lived through the childhood, got nurtured in school and college and acquitted a year of employment and financial independence. But the question remains did I really grow up??

I still remember the puerility, when with shrill and delirious tones of meaningless conversation and gags to be endured; we were haled to abstain it. And now finally when all of us has those masks to go with which shed only the meaningful smiles and the small talks, the sorrow remains that you grew up too fast, the child in you has lost its way out…

The only thing which wasn’t tolerated then and now are the questions asked. When I look back at my 25 glorious years of life and the status of questions called for; I feel myself drowning in the ocean of unanswered questions. Neither did I get the answer to why can’t I go out at night nor why my priorities to be decided in same way you did??

It is not an easy time to live with morals of 60s and still competing with a life style for decades later. There are revolting contrasts, one is not able to deal with oneself, let alone the tempt of surroundings. What adds to the misery is being a girl, where you are expected to fuse in your talents with courage and timidity. It’s a triad of host , environment and agents. Host being self and anything and everything becomes the part either environment or agent. Complication is how can one differentiate.

Living a life of hypocrisy is baffling; advocating something, believing in something else and ultimately doing something different altogether. How does one get rid of this dual phased life? Ostentatiousness is that you compromise and sacrifice the peaceful unpretentious spirit. And are you actually happy once we are done doing that??

“Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change".  In this world of illusions we only live by absence and presence of regrets.
I could only wish for one thing on this day, give me the strength to make my decisions, right or wrong, capability to own for them and acquire more instead of atoning for them. Amen…

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