How is life 15 years back? I know what & how you feel, this letter hence is a heads up for you. You need to see yourself, for what you are, not what others think or want of you. I know you feel ignored most of the times, you feel averaged out. The life which is portrayed in front of you right now is like a race, in which I know you are hardly interested in running. It’s not fun, it’s the same race where camel is made to run against a deer and they are assessed on a horse scale. It’s now that everyone wants to fit in, till a few years later everyone would want to stand out. It’s fine not to enjoy it, its fine not to have an aspiration to want to win the alleged race. Life will always be a race, and it is more important to stand still for a while & decide where you want to participate. Every red finish line can’t measure your destiny. And it’s fine not to finish first or even to finish last or not finish the race, altogether, if that is what you desire. Life works from milestones to milestones and you have every right to choose your own milestones, adopt your own ways to reach to those, but once you make a decision, it is important to be honest, more to yourself than to anyone else.
Don’t pressurize your mind to identify what you are good at, make the world your oyster, foster as much as you can and whatever you want. Always remember it is perfectly fine to be average, but always try to keep safe distance from mediocrity. As much attention is paid on growing, try to grow deep and not just tall. It will always help you more in reflecting on the deeds that you peruse.
The world is not fair, darling. You should understand that, but also remember that everything can’t be measured by metric ton. For someone, smelling the new flower in garden makes their day, but for few even a chauffeur driven car is reason to be frowned upon. Hence, always be at peace within and remember it is fine even when things are not fair. What matters at the end of the day is how much you can smile and what is your capacity to laugh, with or sometimes even without reasons.
The crooked teeth you worry about so much, don’t. It is fine, it is more than fine, it is beautiful. You would one day realise that human mind is very tricky. You will always be a little fat, little short or with too many pimples. Perfect weight & body are myths, like a unicorn. Focus more on beautifying minds, that is the longer lasting investment, for everything else you will have Photoshop.
And most important of all things, nurture your friendships. You will not need a crowd of people, when you feel lost, but that one friend who would understand your need to kill people around and would stop you from doing so. If not just listens to you, you’d grow old to recognise that it is an important human need, ‘to be heard’. It becomes necessary to have someone who listens to you, and it is even more important to listen to yourself. The chaos grows inside-out and the trick is to keep it in check, is to keep communicating. Never underestimate the power of self to plunge within and find peace in solitude. Treasure the friendships that you feel will go long way. They will, and trust me when I say this, there will be times when they will be the ones keeping you from submerging.
And at the end, keep reading. I know how you love that and it will take you a long way. Keep exploring things you enjoy doing, because this is the time. Every time after this you would find yourself gasping for time. Understand this that it is always good to be diligent but once in a while stop, breathe, feel the beauty around and within and then continue. Learn to appreciate yourself, that will make you see good in others as well.
Life doesn’t come in boxes, you would find some simple gifts, along the various walks of life, it can be people, opportunities or simply some time to spurge; don’t forget to acknowledge them. Remember to dream, because in the end everyone becomes chasers of targets and cease to have the time or capacity to dream. This is the time, dream away, and find ways to follow them. Believe it or not, life is going to work out beautifully. You won't be perfect, but you'll be enough.
I hope you enjoy every phase of it.
Loads of love
Your older self